Under the Sea

With one final deep breath from the air, she pressed the button and slowly sank down. Water enveloped her shoulder, her neck, her face and finally her hair.

Down and down she went.

She felt her lungs compressed and then sharp pain seized her ear drums.

“Keep breathing! Keep breathing!” A voice in her head cried out repeatedly. She jerked around and pressed her nose, blowing air out with all her might. The tension on her eardrums instantly loosened.

She quickly gasped in air through her mouthpiece. Oxygen filled her lungs and she felt relieved. She then exhaled. Bubbles formed and surrounded her face. She turned around 360 degrees, viewing through the lens.

Blue.

Exotic blue.

Beautiful exotic blue.

Yes, she was breathing inside this beautiful exotic blue water. She looked up, sunrays sliced through the water creating a mesmerizing lighting effect. A big school of yellow barracudas swirled around the moving sunlight as if they were dancing waltz.

She wanted to smile but her lips were wrapped tightly around the mouthpiece. She saw someone in front waving and pointing at a direction. She positioned her body horizontally and started kicking towards their instructor and her group eagerly.

Marine life is full of variety and interesting indeed.

There were tiny cute clown fishes poking their heads in and out of the anemone.

There were angel fishes swimming ever so gracefully.

There were trigger fishes meandering around the sand, protecting their territory.

She heard a faint metal clanking sound ahead. It was a signal from their instructor that she’d spotted something unusual. She swam faster towards them. Then she saw it, a big blue spotted stingray lurking behind some corals, almost as big as her chest. The blue spots looked like neon lights on its dull grey body.

The group continued the journey.

Once in a while, the instructor turned around to make sure they are following closely behind and also checked their air gauges to make sure oxygen supply is sufficient.

Along the way, she saw more and more colourful fishes, pretty corals, appealing sea creatures that previously she could only see on the television screen. It was so gorgeous, so surreal.

Suddenly the metal clanking sound from their instructor grew louder and more persistent. She quickly scanned the surroundings and was shocked to see an enormous turquoise fish swimming towards her. She was terrified and thrilled at the same time. The fish swam nearer and nearer, she could see the baring front teeth, the bump on its head and its big eyes.

She did not remember blinking at the sight. While she was having thoughts of escaping, the big fish turned its direction. Then she saw more, five more, ten more, fifteen…they were everywhere, left and right, front and back as if surrounding them.

She could see her buddies looking at the fishes in awe. Even though they could only communicate through hand signals, their body language already showed sign of uncontained enthusiasm and joy. We watched passively as the fishes swam by while chomping on corals.

They stayed for more than 5 min before they were willing to move on. As the oxygen pressure was going low, they swam back towards the starting point.

Reluctantly she emerged from the surface of the water, inflating her jacket and took away her mouthpiece. All of them yelled in delight due to the contented journey.

As for her, deep down she knew she’d found her lost spirit. The calmness and comfort she felt underwater was inexplicable. It was so pure as if it could heal a broken heart, as if it could clean a sinful soul. It seemed like a fantasy yet it was reality. At that moment she believed she was where she belongs.

She closed her eyes, enjoying the touch of the wind as they cruised back to the island. She knew her mind and her heart were both at ease.

She loves the sun.

She loves the sand.

She loves the sea.

She loves her newfound interest. Diving…

Cry Me Out

She crossed and uncrossed her fingers, her eyebrows knitted together and her hands sweaty. She wanted to walk out of the café, go home and act as if nothing happened but her head is prompting her to stay still. She needed to confront him once and for all.

He was late again, almost half an hour late. Then she saw him at the entrance, waving at her with a crooked grin. Anger rose up from within her. He trotted over nonchalantly and slumped loudly on the chair opposite her.

“Hey baby, I’ve been missing ya a lot ya know? Have you gotten my mails? I’d been sending you mails every single night when I think of you….” he blabbered on and on.

“Ya, I got your emails”, she snapped. Then she stopped herself. Her lips formed a thin line.

He looked at her in fake bewilderment, “Then why didn’t you replied any of it, baby? What’s with that face? You must be so stressed out, let’s finish dinner and then we go relax at the movie theatre ya.” He winked.

She wanted to puke. “You just don’t get females now, do you?”

He was surprised by her rudeness, “Hey baby, I’m just a tad late only. C’mon, you must be hungry, I’ll order your fav cheese burger with lots of fries.” He tried to signal a waiter.

“Save it.” She waved her hand crossly. “What’s in my heart is not in your head anyway.”

He tried to touch her hand but she crossed it in front of her chest. She smirked, “You are not just late. Mate, you’re too late and I even think you weren’t worth the wait now, were you?”

He threw his hands up the air, “Ok, baby, I’m sorry ok. I’m so sorry I’m late. I promise…I promise it won’t happen again ok?”

“Don’t even bother to apologize coz you definitely owe me more than that! It’s out of my hands since you blew your last chance ok?” She tried to hold back her tears.

“Baby, what are you talking about?” He looked so innocent.

“Have you ever, ever thought of my feelings when you played me like a fool?” She couldn’t help it. Tears started rolling down her cheeks.

She wiped her tears with a tissue angrily. “You’ll have to cry me out always don’t you? You’ll have to cry me out every single time. It’s ok, from now onwards the tears that l fall mean nothing at all, nothing at all!” She slammed her hands on the table and stood up.

Everyone in the café stared at them gradually. She didn’t care at all. She whimpered on, “You know what? It’s time to get over yourself. Continue to play your game. I’m sure she doesn’t mind. As for me, I’m outta this shit!” She dashed out the door with him trailing her behind.

While she rushed down the pavement, he grasped her hand, making her stop. “Baby, I don’t understand! Who told you I’m with someone else? It must be a stupid mistake!” He shouted.

“Stupid? Well ya, I’m stupid alright. I’m stupid enough to let you fool me again and again!” She screamed loudly, pushing his hands away from her wrist.

Her anguish turned to anger. “I can’t believe I was so blinded before. Now I can see that baby, you ain’t all that and baby, there’s no way back either,” she open up her arms and shrugged. “You can keep talking whatever you want, you can keep playing your little game that you have there but baby, I’m walking away.” She took few steps back.

He covered his forehead with his hands, biting his lips.

She continued, “You know when I found out how you messed me about, I was hurt; I was broken. I cried and cried till all the tissues ran out.” She flew her arms outward.

He sighed heavily, “Baby, you know I love you. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

“Hah!” She mocked at him. “Back then I believed you but now I don’t. Now, I don’t need you no more. And please stop calling me baby.”

“Alright, who told you I was with another girl? Where’s the proof? You can’t just accuse me like that.” His voice was loud but quivering.

She shook her head disbelievingly and pointed a finger at him. “You want proof?” With a swift motion, she reached into his front pocket and snatched his phone. He was taken aback, “What the…”

She pressed a few buttons and then she threw the phone back at him. He quickly grasped it and then checked the screen. He swallowed loudly.

“There’s the proof you want, the pic on your phone. You didn’t even bother to delete it, did you? Or did you miss deleting this one?”

He looked away as she went on, “Oh ya, your phone proves you weren’t alone the night I left town for my training either. I called you at eleven-thirty pm. Guess what? You accidentally pressed the ‘answer’ button while you were snuggling with her. She was with you, yeah. I heard everything, you f**king liar!”

He shoved his hands in his pocket, eyes glued to the pavement in defeat.

“It’s ok. Now, I couldn’t care about who, what or where. Good news to you both, you don’t have to sneak around anymore." It was her turn to shove her hands into her pocket.

“We’re through.” She turned around and walked away, leaving him behind in the dust.

Hmmm...I just plain love THIS SONG...

Checklist of My Life...

At age 0-10, I want...

1. to bite everything
2. to drink milo everyday
3. soft toys
4. many barbie dolls with lots of clothes to change
5. to stay at my grandma's house
6. to visit all theme parks
7. to be a tailor
8. a bicycle
9. to be a winner in all contests
10. to grow up

At age 11-20, I want...

1. a piano
2. to grow my hair long
3. a driving license
4. to be a national volleyball player
5. to be a singer
6. to be a doctor
7. to be a writer
8. to read all Sweet Valley books
9. to watch Backstreet Boys in concert
10. to date guys

At age 21-30, I want...

1. to study abroad
2. my own car
3. to watch Andy Lau in person
4. a stable career
5. a camera
6. a dream house
7. a beautiful wedding
8. to have a diving license
9. to travel around the world
10. to be a better person each day

Choosing My Next Path...

I'm travelling again.
I flew to Kuching in January...
I flew to Macau in February...
I'm flew to Brunei yesterday...which means i'm in Brunei now
and I'm going to fly to Bintulu next week then to Kuching again...

Airplane is my second transportation now. Joining this company has gave me a lot of opportunities to meet new ppl, learn new things and see new places. I'm starting to get the hang of it and I'm now in awe. Of coz the Macau in Februay was my personal trip... :)

Actually travelling alone is not such a big issue after all. Many people especially ladies dislike travelling alone, they worried about safety; they worried about "dirty" hotels; they worried about food; they worried about being con by taxi drivers and they worried they can't communicate with the locals. To summarise it, they are just afraid to be alone.

I don't live alone, I don't work alone and I have a boyfriend. In fact, I haven't been single and available for 6+ years. Yet, sometimes...I really enjoy being alone. I'm now chilling in a cafe beside the hotel I stayed in, sipping a cup of brewed "totally kao" coffee. I had to pay for the internet service in the hotel (B$6/hour) yesterday so today I decided to come out to get free wifi...of coz the coffee is not FOC. Still it's worth it and coincidently, the name of this cafe is called "CHILL".

I was given a choice last month; whether to stayput in my current jobscope or transfer to another department. The funny thing is before I'm doing what I'm doing now, I wanted so much to be in the other department mostly coz of interest and I thought I can relate to it more with my personality. Everyone thinks so too.

However, when I was given the choice to switch last month, I was a bit confused...even felt reluctant. The moment I said OK, I was still in a dilemma. Anyway, it didn't go through smoothly as the post was "on-hold". Ha, What the heck!

Till, time will come for me to decide again. I really don't know whether I'm already adapted to the current jobscope or I'm comfortable being in the freedom zone or I don't want to be predictable (that sooner or later I'll join da club). Yet, that job offer still does appeal to me very much...

One thing I realised is that I can adapt and I can evolve with the changing ppl and environment around me easily. Some may think these kind of ppl have no known/specific character coz they always follow the flow. Some may even think these ppl are fake coz they have many faces. But the truth is ppl do have the ability to have many faces. It only depends on which personality excels the other in certain circumstances. Maybe it's natural selection. If you do watch national geographic channel, you will know that it plays an important part in survival.

My path is blurry now, but till the day comes when I had to make a decision, I'll make sure that it will be as wide as the galaxy and as bright as the sun.

Coz the fittest always survive...

2008 Review

Alas, I'm finally boredfree to put down some words in this small little space on the net. If I wanted, I would have whole lots of craps to write and post for the past few months. Too bad those things were either too private or too sorrowful.

Which stupid fortune teller claimed that those borned in the year of rooster will flourish in 2008? BULLSHIT!

I SERIOUSLY thought the worst year in my life was 1996 where all my grandparents and relatives perished back to back. I almost feel that 6 of them pakat-ted and decided to die in the same year. It was the year of black and white, funerals and tears.

Then 12 years later, exactly after one round of chinese zodiacs, all the worst incomprehensible things kicked in. From family to careers to relationships...everything just decided to change together. It was the year of breakage, separation, provocation and emotional breakdowns.

I think besides 1996, i'd never cried so much before. Funny how life can be...the twist of fate. I'm neither complaining nor explaining now, coz I just realised that no matter under what circumstances, we just have to be prepared both physically and mentally.

I learnt that when life takes a menacing turn; when everything goes upside down and when everyone puts up their middle finger at you, just stand firm on your feet, think positively and always put a smile on your face. Hakuna Matata...

Oh well, of coz it's easier said than done. Sometimes it's impossible too but still life goes on man, the earth is still moving, sun is still shining and the oceans are still blue in colour. As long as I'm still breathing, my heart is still pumping, there's no reason for me to give up hope...

Though great things may come to an end...
but there will always be a light somewhere to start the beginning of another beautiful journey...

Happy Moo Year...

To LOVE or To be LOVED...

Recently being bombarded with question like this: "Do you love him more or he loves you more?"

I stunned a bit. My brain did a little bit of hesitations, poundering the question deeply. Then I realised that I had not been thinking about this for a very, very long time. Well, at least for 2 years already...

Then a question popped up in my mind. "How do we know who loves who more?"

Different scenarios started running around my brain like those images in fake binoculars you bought during your childhood time:

Scenario 1:
The guy was squeezing his brain juices out thinking what to buy for his gf during valentines day. He thought of 999 roses, diamond ring, luxurious dining and even a 1 day trip to Europe for a cup of tea. The girl was sitting at home, painting her fingernails, steaming her long flowing hair and readingbrowsing through the latest beauty magazines in the meantime waiting for her bf to call and tell her where will they spend their valentines day together. The bf finally called to inform her he would buy back KFC and a cake for dinner since all restaurants are fully booked. She screamed hysterically at him and slammed the phone down.

VERDICT: He loves her more.

Scenario 2:
She wakes him up every single morning and make him breakfast. She does all the house chores and makes sure all his clothes are clean and ironed. She comes home early everyday to cook for him. She tells him she loves him every night eventhough the only thing he'll ever reply is "sleep la". One day, she calls him urgently because her tyre was punctured in the middle of the road and it's raining like cats and dogs. He is drinking in a bar with his bunch of friends watching the latest season of BPL. He looks at his phone, flinches and switches it off. He continues on with his drink, shouting "GOALLLL" happily.

VERDICT: She loves him more.

It's funny to see how people are always striving to find someone who loves them more than they do.

Let's say a couple in a relationship, both of them wants to be loved. So who is actually the lover then? BOTH or NONE?

Here comes the ultimate question. How do we actually measure love?

By calculating how much money he/she spent on you during special occasions?
By estimating the time he/she spent with you each day?
By computing how many times he/she calls you per week?
By determining how much affection he/she applys when he/she says I love you?

Alright so you notice that your partner loves you more than you do. What do you do now? Do you love him/her back or you go brag in front of all your friends? Do you show the same affection to your partner or you take him/her for granted?

Take a 180 degrees turn now. What if you realise that you are the one contributing more than your partner? You get angry and cry your heart out? You leave him and find someone inferior to him?

Do all of the above justify love? God knows.

In most people I perceive neverending Lust which they strongly Obsess that eventually led to Vainful behaviour and they in turned became Emotionally dependant.

Long gone are the unconditional love when we'll Look deeply into each other eyes, Listens to them with open ears and be thoroughly Loyal to them; when we'll Observe their every moves and remembers their every facial expressions; when we keep all the precious memories we share with our special Valentine; when we Endear our love ones and will put in all Efforts to make them happy.

Think again. What is LOVE to u?

Let's recap scenario 1 and 2. Who's right and who's wrong? If you think clearly, no one is right or wrong. In fact there's never a right and wrong in love. Maybe the only significant thing is to distinguish who's the contributor and who's the receiver. If everyone wants to be the receiver, what justification can we make to the contributor?

We can neither measure trueness nor measure love. So what is true love when we wanna take a ruler to speculate it?

Look at your yourself in the mirror and ask do you love yourself. Do you take good care of your health? Do you make yourself unhappy by thowing tantrums?

Look at your partner and ask yourself do you love him/her. Do you show your appreciation towards their contribution? Do you treasure your relationship?

Think about your family and friends now and ask yourself do you show your gratitude for what they've done. Do you support them when they are down?

Life is a cycle. No doubt.

Love is also a cycle. Learn to love yourself, learn to love your partner, learn to love your family and learn to love your friends. Show your love and believe me, you are loved at this very second. By everyone around you, by god and most importantly by yourself.

We can never stop learning as we can never stop loving. It doesn't really matter who loves who more as what really matters is how much you can contribute to your relationship. It doesn't really matter if your relationship doesn't work out in the end as what really matters is that you've done your best with no regrets.

Open up your heart and mind. Learn to love and enjoy being loved.

And now from the bottom of my heart, I would like to say to all of you out there that

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Bottles Up!

So which one did u think i chose?

平衡油43 ～创造力
这一瓶是水瓶座的瓶子，代表你内在有一个部分是理性的，爱好自由的，你重视人道主义，对于环境保护等新时代的议题具有热诚。这个瓶子叫做 '创造力' ，代表你拥有无穷的创造力，可能是在艺术方面，也可能是在生活或工作上展现。

你的困难与挑战：你的心想唱歌，可是你不给他唱；你的心想跳舞，可是你不给他跳；你的心想游戏，可是你不给他玩；你的心想表达，可是你掐住他的脖子。

你的未来潜能：是一个追求真理的人，经常检讨自己，感觉很和谐，展现「头脑的伸缩性」意思是他是个富有弹性的人，容易接纳新的事物。

Translation:

Creativeness
This is an aquarius bottle, meaning that you are very rasional, love freedom, value humanism and always stress on being environmental friendly. This bottle is named "creativeness", meaning you have endless creativity, either in arts; in life or in your work.

Your weakness/challenges: Your heart wants to sing but you don't let it; your heart wants to dance but you don't allow it; your heart likes games but you forbid it to play; your heart wants to express its feelings but you hold on to its neck.

Your future potential: You always like to seek the truth, always self-criticised and always promote peace. You like to fully-utilise and expand your mind, showing that you have great flexibility and adaptation.

Explained me well ain't it?

50% of me thinks it's accurate.
50% of me thinks my character will change in the future.

but

100% of me thinks

I AM WHO I AM!